Captain to the Bridge

//Captain to the bridge.// [[What?]]

//Captain to the bridge.// You distinctly remember that [[Romulan ale]] was involved.

//Captain to the bridge.// The doctor claimed it was (link-reveal: "medicinal")[ - it's certainly illegal]. There had been a good [[reason]].

//Captain to the bridge.// You have no idea what that reason was. [[Open your eyes.]] [[Get out of bed.]] [[Tap your comm badge.]]

//Captain to the bridge.// The grey expanse of a bulkhead greets you. [[Look around.]]

//Captain to the bridge.// You are not in your bed. You are on a hard surface. [[Open your eyes.]]

//Captain to the bridge.// You tap your comm badge. //chirp// "Beargh", you manage. //Sir?// "Eabh", you expound. //Is everything all right, sir?// "Gbegh. Urbh..." You manage to turn off the comm badge just before you [[throw up violently]].

//Captain to the bridge.// The motion of the outside world does not seem to track with the motion of your head. You manage to make out that you're on deck 14 before you [[throw up violently]].

//Captain to the bridge.// Well, that was unpleasant, but you feel better for it. //Captain to the bridge.// [[Yes, yes.]]

//Captain to the bridge.// [[Find your way back to the cabin to freshen up.]] [[Stumble into the nearest turbolift to the bridge.]] [[Attempt to remember why you got so drunk last night.]] (set: $crusty = true)\ (set: $impatient = 0)\ (set: $remembering = 0)

//Captain to the bridge.// You find your way to your cabin. A number of bottles greet you, glinting in the starlight. They are all empty. Most of them do not have recognizable writing on them. The doctor is slumped in one of the chairs. She is snoring gently. [[Attempt to wake her.]] [[Freshen up.]]

//Captain to the bridge.// You rest your body against the cool side of the lift, feeling its thrumming as it moves you through the ship. All too soon, [[the doors slide open->Head to the bridge.]].

//Captain to the bridge.// You attempt to reconstruct last night's events. There was something about a message from admiral Hedges. [[Find your way back to the cabin to freshen up.]] [[Stumble into the nearest turbolift to the bridge.]] (set: $remembering = $remembering + 1)

//Captain to the bridge.// You gently, then not-so-gently, attempt to rouse the good doctor. She remains steadfastly asleep. You have the impulse to hit your comm badge and call sickbay, but find the flaw in your logic just in time. You remember talking about trade routes, but why did you get so drunk? (set: $remembering = $remembering + 1)(set: $impatient = $impatient + 1) "Physician, heal thyself!" //Captain. The Traxolorian Admiral has been hailing us for two hours now. He sounds very agitated.// [[Head to the bridge.]]

//Captain to the bridge.// Ignoring the doctor, you hit the sonic shower and let it un-crust you. Next, you assemble something like a uniform. //Captain. The Traxolorian Admiral has been hailing us for two hours now. He sounds very agitated.// [[Head to the bridge.]] (set: $impatient = $impatient + 1)\ (set: $crusty = false)

//Captain to the...// "Oh Sir, there you are", your comms officer says brightly.(if: $crusty)[ His eyes flick to the state of your uniform, then stare straight ahead.] "We are receiving a transmission from the Traxalorian admiral. He says it's urgent." (set: $uniformAdjusted = true)(set: $paddComing = false)(set: $amused = 0)(set: $anger = 0)(set: $respect = 0) (if: $crusty)[Your uniform top keeps slipping upwards.(set: $uniformAdjusted = false) [[Adjust your uniform.]]] [["On screen!"]] [["Traxawhat?"]]

You pull down the treacherous garment and attempt to present an authoritative appearance. (set: $uniformAdjusted = false) [["On screen!"]]

The screen blinks to life. The Traxalorian admiral (link-reveal: "Gornax")[ (And why do you remember his name, but nothing else?)] appears. "Ah, captain!(if: $impatient > 0)[ At last you grace us with your presence!](else:)[ It is good to see you.]" His skin flaps are bright green. Is this a good sign?(if: $paddComing)[ You cast around for Yeoman Smith.(set: $padd = 1)] [["Admiral."->Mines]] [["I do apologize for the delay. How can I help you?"->Mines]] [["We come in peace."->Mines]] (if: $impatient > 0)[ [["It is good to see you also. How's the wife?"]] ]

"Traxalorians, Sir. There are five Traxalorian cruisers in battle formation waiting just inside the exclusion zone." Yeoman Smith catches your eyes. A silent understanding passes between you: "Help, I have no idea who those people are." He grabs a PADD and starts working. (set: $paddComing = true) [["On screen!"]]

"Captain, has your government come to a decision on the matter of the Traxorite mines? Do you require us to shut them down?"(display: "PADD") [["Yes!"->MinesShutDown]] [["No!"->MinesRemaining]] [["Starfleet has a firm policy of non-interference."->MinesRemaining]] [["Yes, at least until better health and safety checks are in place."]] [["Let me consult my instructions on this matter, Admiral."]] [["Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra."]]

The admiral chuckles.(display: "PADD") "Oh, very good. Very good!" (set: $amused = $amused + 1) "But we must get down to [[business->Mines]]."

"You need to shut them down, Admiral." His skin flaps become an ever brighter green. The phrase "Gornax the slaughterer" resurfaces from your memory. Oh. (set: $remembering = $remembering + 1)(set: $respect = $respect + 1)(set: $anger = $anger + 2) (if: $respect > 1)[ "I see. You wish to claim the Lixarites as your own vassals." [["Vassals?->Challenge]] [["No, no! I just think there has to be a better way for your species to coexist!"->"No, I meant there has to be some kind of diplomatic solution!"]] ](else:)[ "I see. Then there is nothing left to do but fight." He looks to the side. "Adjutant, prepare the plasma cannons!"(display: "PADD") [["Red Alert!"]] [["Of course you can keep those mines, uh, running. We're very sorry to have bothered you."->"Of course, of course. We're very sorry to have bothered you."]] ]

"The mines can continue operating, Admiral." "I am glad Starfleet chose to see reason, Captain. With the mines in place, we can defend our claim to the exclusion zone."(set: $respect = $respect - 1) The admiral preens. Your first officer looks alarmed. "I am pleased that you choose to recognize our absolute dominion over this space, human. Soon, we will bring the Lixarites to their knees. They will suffer until they accept us as their masters, and the survivors will make fine slaves!" Oh.(display: "PADD") [["Did I say yes? By yes, I meant no, of course."]] [["Of course there are some conditions attached."->"Now let's not be too hasty..."]] [["Now let's not be too hasty..."]] [["Slaves?"]]

(if: $amused > 0)["Health and safety checks? Hah! Captain! There would be little point to the mines if they were healthy or safe!"(set: $amused = $amused + 1)](else:)["Health and safety checks? They're spatial mines! They are by definition unsafe and unhealthy!" (set: $respect = $respect - 1)](display: "PADD") [["You must shut down the mines, Admiral."->MinesShutDown]] [["The mines may remain active."->MinesRemaining]] [["Starfleet has a firm policy of non-interference."->MinesRemaining]] [["Let me consult my instructions on this matter, Admiral."]]

"Who?" Well, it was worth a try. (set: $impatient = $impatient + 1)(display: "PADD") [["You must shut down the mines, Admiral."->MinesShutDown]] [["The mines may remain active."->MinesRemaining]] [["Starfleet has a firm policy of non-interference."->MinesRemaining]] [["Yes, at least until better health and safety checks are in place."]] [["Let me consult my instructions on this matter, Admiral."]]

"Very well. You Federation types are so very fond of your orders after all."(set: $respect = $respect - 1)(set: $impatient = $impatient + 1) You look around and catch the first officer's eyes. She gently mouths "No."(display: "PADD") [["You must shut down the mines, Admiral."->MinesShutDown]]

The admiral's skin-flaps swell alarmingly. (set: $anger = $anger + 3)(set: $respect = $respect - 1)(set: $amused = 0) "I see. You wish to claim the Lixarites as your own vassals."(display: "PADD") [["Vassals?->Challenge]] [["No, no! I just think there has to be a better way for your species to coexist!"->"No, I meant there has to be some kind of diplomatic solution!"]]

The admiral shudders. (if: $impatient > 1)["I am quite sick of your attempts at delaying the inevitable. This space is ours, and we will defend it if needed." He looks to the side. "Adjutant, prepare the plasma cannons!"(display: "PADD") [["Red Alert!"]] [["Of course, of course. We're very sorry to have bothered you."]] ](else:)["I am running out of patience for your endless talk, human. Do you accept our claim to this space? Yes or no?"(set: $angry = $angry + 1)(set: $impatient = $impatient + 1) [["Yes!"->"Of course, of course. We're very sorry to have bothered you."]] [["No!"->"Did I say yes? By yes, I meant no, of course."]] ]

"Indeed! The lesser species in the cosmos must bow to the stronger. It is the way of things, don't you agree."(display: "PADD") (if: $uniformAdjusted)[ At this exact point, your uniform top makes a break for freedom. You reflexively grab it and jam it back down, making a weird bow in the process. The admiral nods sagely. "I'm glad you agree. You acknowledge our dominion over the Lixarites, then?"(set: $respect = $respect + 1) ] [["Well, according to the founding articles of the Federation..."]] [["They will never be your slaves!"]] [["Surely there must be a better way for your two peoples?"]]

"Captain!" "Sir!" "I trust you were able to bring across our decision to the Traxalorians?" [["Uh."]]

"I know it was a lot to ask of you. With the mine fields remaining active, the Lixarites stand little chance agains the Traxalorian onslaught. But as you know, the situation is too unstable for us to get involved in." You nod. "I am sure you were able to bring your significant diplomatic skills to bear and prevented any loss of face for the Federation." You nod. "Hedges out!" The screen falls silent. The first officer looks at you with what you think - hope - is pity. [[Again?->Awakening]]

(if: $amused > 2)["Ha! That's a good one! But seriously, I must get on with my work. Plenty of Lixarites to shoot, you know." The viewscreen flicks off. "Sir, there's another transmission coming in. It's from Admiral Hedges." [["On screen!"->Happy Hedges]] ](else:)["I do not care in the slightest for your Federation articles. This is Traxalorian space, and you are trespassing." He looks to the side. "Adjutant, prepare the plasma cannons!"(display: "PADD") [["Red Alert!"]] [["Of course, of course. We're very sorry to have bothered you."]] ]

"Ah, do you challenge us?"(display: "PADD") [["Yes!->Challenge]] [["No, no! I just think there has to be a better way for your species to coexist!"->"No, I meant there has to be some kind of diplomatic solution!"]]

"Oh no, this way suits us just fine. Anyway, I have other matters to attend to."(display: "PADD") [["Wait! You can't do this!"->"They will never be your slaves!"]] [["No, I meant there has to be some kind of diplomatic solution!"]]

"Hmm. No, not really. Goodbye!" The viewscreen flicks off. "Sir, there's another transmission coming in. It's from Admiral Hedges." [["On screen!"->Happy Hedges]]

The battle is brief, and bloody, and horrible, and one-sided. Soon, nothing remains of your ship. [[Again?->Awakening]]

"I'm so glad you understand our - and your - position, Captain." The admiral's skin flaps are positively radiant. The view screen switches off. "Sir, there's another transmission coming in. It's from Admiral Hedges." [["On screen!"->Happy Hedges]]

"Very well! We shall hunt together, you and I. The victor shall claim the Lixarites." [[You are enveloped by the purple shimmering of a Traxalorian transporter.]]

On the flagship, you are greeted by (if: $respect > 1)[Admiral Gornax personally](else-if: $respect is 0)[the ship's captain](else:)[an adjutant.] A few hours later, you find yourself strapped to an alien horse-thing on an alien planet.(set: $huntScore = 0) (if: $impatient < 2)[At least Gornax explained to you how to tell the horse-thing where to go.(set: $huntScore = 1)](else:)[You have no idea how to ride it.] It's swaying alarmingly, and your stomach is in uproar.(if: $crusty)[ The ripe smell coming off your uniform does not help either.] (if: $angry > 2)[Gornax is shouting at his underlings to bring him his favorite lance.(set: $huntScore = $huntScore + 1)](else-if: $amused > 1)[Gornax is in a jovial mood, making rapid-fire dirty Traxalorian jokes.(set: $huntScore = $huntScore + 1)](else:)[Gornax is readying his lance, clearly an expert at this hunting thing.] [[And off you go!]]

Your horse-thing rears up on its seven hind legs and accelerates. (if: $crusty)[ Your stomach is now definitely very unhappy.] You attempt to steer it to stay near Gornax. You're hunting a Blergling. You don't know what a Blergling looks like. The fate of an entire alien species hangs in the balance. (if: $crusty)[You really need to throw up. [[Get it over with.]] [[Hold it in.]] ](else:)[ [[Do your best.]] ]

You lean over the side of the horse-thing and attempt to empty yourself as efficiently as possible. The horse-thing is not happy and attempts to shake you off. There is a sudden crash as a huge creature like a cross between a T-rex and a mealworm comes out of the forest. "Ha! That's a feisty one!" Gornax announces. Right. That's a Blergling. Great. [[Go for it.]]

You do your best to hold it together as you ride through the alien forests, following Gornax, looking for a Blergling. You do your best to prepare yourself. You test the heft of your lance. You ride for hours. Gornax looks impatient. "Usually, we use live bait," he explains. Just then, a huge creature like a cross between a T-rex and a mealworm explodes out of the forest. (if: $amused > 1)[ "Oh, what a lovely specimen!" Gornax exclaims. The creature bears down on you. [[This is all entirely too much.]] ](else:)[ Gornax, who has been riding ahead of you, eager for a kill, lowers his lance and spurs his horse-thing to charge. His skin flaps glow bright green as he spears the Blergling right in the neck. [[The hunt is over. You have lost.]] ]

You lower your lance and direct your horse-thing at the creature. Gornax watches. Your lance impacts its white belly and bounces off. You are thrown off into the mud. (if: $respect < 1)[Gornax bends over with laughter. The creature notices him for the first time and charges. He attempts to get his horse-thing to sidestep the charge, but does not quite manage. [[Now you are both in the mud, with the creature bearing down on you.]] ](else:)[Gornax' skin flaps glow bright green as he spurs his beast to charge, spearing the Blergling right in the neck. [[The hunt is over. You have lost.]] ]

Now you are both in the mud, with the creature bearing down on you. There is a split second left - [[Raise your lance to fend it off.->Nomnomnom]] [[Roll out of the way.->Nomnomnom]]

The hunt is over. You have lost. Gornax does not bother saying another word to you. He has you transported back to his ship and dropped off at your ship by shuttle. As you enter the bridge, splattered with mud and alien guts, your comms officer announces that there is an urgent transmission from Admiral Hedges waiting for you. [["On screen!"->Happy Hedges]]

This is all entirely too much. Your ill-used stomach ceases to obey, and as the Blergling rears up to strike, a blueish-green fountain of vomit ejects from your mouth. It strikes the Blergling directly in the face. It screeches, recoils, and begins to, well, melt. Soon, there is nothing left of its head. "I was not aware of this biological ability you humans possess." says Gornax, from a safe distance, once you've finished. "I shall have to have words with my head of intelligence. But so be it. I hereby acknowledge the Federation's claim to the Lixarites." [[You beam back up to the flagship, where you are treated with the utmost deference, as befits a great hunter.]]

No. Your actions do not matter when you have five tons of alien carnivore bearing down on you. The Blergling whips its head around with ease and bites you in half. So much for the, what were they again? Luxorites? [[Again?->Awakening]]

You are conveyed back to your ship. As you enter the bridge, splattered with mud and alien guts, your comms officer announces that there is an urgent transmission from Admiral Hedges waiting for you. [["On screen!"->Amazed Hedges]]

"Captain!" "Sir!" "I trust you were able to bring across our decision to the Traxalorians? I know it must have been difficult to bring yourself to accept their claims." [["Well, actually..."]]

You recount a - heavily edited - version of recent events. Admiral Hedges face goes through an astounding number of expressions. "Well. That is... I mean, that is a good result. Unorthodox. But I'm glad to hear it. With the Lixarites under our protection and the mine field deactivated, we will be able to resume vaccine shipments through this sector, and save thousands of lives. All without starting a war. I, er, knew I could count on you. Hedges out!" [[Again?->Awakening]]

You ride through the alien forests, following Gornax, looking for a Blergling. You do your best to prepare yourself. You test the heft of your lance. You ride for hours. Gornax looks impatient. "Usually, we use live bait," he explains. Just then, a huge creature like a cross between a T-rex and a mealworm explodes out of the forest. "Oh, what a lovely specimen!" Gornax exclaims. The creature bears down on you. Gornax readies his lance. [[Let him go first.]] [[Charge!->Go for it.]]

Gornax calmly lowers his lance and spurs his horse-thing to attack. The Blergling rears up, facing the threat. (if: $huntScore > 1)[His lance whips past the creature's neck, narrowly missing it. At least now you know where to hit it. [[Go for it.->HuntVictory]] ](else:)[He expertly skewers the beast through the throat. [[The hunt is over. You have lost.]] ]

You bring your weapon to bear upon the creature while it's still distracted by Gornax' failed attack. And through some miracle of timing, your aim is true! You hit it right in the neck. It roars and dies, showering you with alien guts.(if: $crusty)[ You definitely need a change of clothes now.] Gornax looks on with newfound respect. "Truly, I underestimated you, Captain. I hereby acknowledge the Federation's claim to the Lixarites." [[You beam back up to the flagship, where you are treated with the utmost deference, as befits a great hunter.]]

(if: $padd is 1)[ Yeoman Smith stealthily passes you a PADD with background information on the Traxalorians. You steal the occasional glance at it.(if: $remembering > 0)[ There was something about trade routes?(set: $padd = 5)](else:)[(set: $padd = 2)] ](else-if: $padd is 2)[ //Cuisine: Traxalorian Blergling Stew is considered a delicacy by many sentient species, but is not advised for consumption by Vulcans.//(set: $padd = 3)](else-if: $padd is 3)[ //Societal Structure: Traxalorian officers are generally married to themselves for tax reasons.//(set: $padd = 4)](else-if: $padd is 4)[ //Biology: The skin flaps of Traxalorian males become filled with green lymph when the Traxalorian is aroused or dominant.//(set: $padd = 5)](else-if: $padd is 5)[ //Recent History: The Traxalorian Star Empire has been involved in a brutal conflict with the Lixarite Union, which has blocked vital trade routes in the sector.//(set: $padd = 6)](else-if: $padd is 6)[ //Exclusion Zone: A disputed region of space claimed by the Traxalorians, but also used by the Federation to deliver vaccines to a number of colonies in the sector.//(set: $padd = 7)](else-if: $padd is 7)[ //Psychology: Traxalorians respect forthrightness, independent decision-making, and wordplay.//(set: $padd = 8)](else-if: $padd is 8)[ //Tactical Analysis: While Traxalorian ships are not quite as advanced as Federation ones, recent shipbuilding efforts have allowed them to create a massive fleet that threatens the balance of power in the quadrant.//(set: $padd = 2)]